My story is typical. I was born a poor, Black child. I survived the mean streets of the Buffalo suburbs and four straight losses in the Super Bowl, grew into a mature adult and pillar of the community, and made my parents proud. OK, well, part of that is true. I was indeed raised in the Buffalo 'burbs...North Tonawanda, to be exact. The rest? Well, can't a guy dream?
Here's some highlights. I was a big baby. Like, 20 lbs. Maybe a few less. Mom always reminds me of the pain. The guilt ensures she gets great birthday presents. I have a brother two years older, and he used to make my life a living Hell, like any good brother should. That stopped when I turned 12, and was bigger than him. I spent most of my formative years annoying my elders. That includes parents, teachers, and the police. If I wasn't in after-school detention, I was being questioned for the latest neighborhood "incident". Looking back, it a was all pretty harmless. Well, maybe not the thing we did to our Spanish Teacher. But that's a story for another time. Sports helped keep me out of any serious trouble. Get suspended...and you were kicked off the team. So that only happened once. Maybe twice. With hopes and dreams, and a suitcase filled with Molson Canadian Lager, I headed off to college. Less than a year later, and a plea agreement with a reduced sentence (like I said...never convicted), my college experience wasn't exactly going as planned. But, with threats of bodily harm from Mom solidly in my back pocket, I managed to graduate from Gannon University in Erie, PA, and looked forward to a lucrative career in broadcasting. Soooooooo...I've bounced around from station to station in such vacation hot spots as Clearfield, PA, Joplin, MO, Evansville, IN, and Fayetteville, NC. In February of 1999, I took the job that I have now (more or less).
I never did find that pot of gold, but I've had a lot of fun along the way. And moving here was the best thing that ever happened to me. I met my beautiful wife, Stacy, while watching a Bills game at what used to be Damon's on Tunnel Road, and we were married in September of 2001. I lost my wedding ring in a bizarre chicken wing incident (true story), so I really have no proof. But I think she'll vouch for me. We don't have any children, but we do have cats...lots and lots of cats. I'd love to tell you exactly how many, but I lost track. Seriously, I started counting them the other night, but had to stop after I'd used all my fingers and toes. I was plum out of digits.
So that's my story. Of course, some of the sordid details have been left out due to pending legal action. But, Judge...I swear I had no idea that pig was your pet!
You know the slogan about Asheville they created a few years ago...Any Way You Like It? Well, there should be a slogan for the internet...Anything You Can Imagine. Seriously. Every time I log on, there's a new site or app within a site that solves problems or creates new ones. In this case, I think it's both.
Now, instead of spending your Facebook time playing fantasy games like Farmville and Mafia Wars, you can turn a fantasy into reality. It's "Bang With Friends".
Here's the deal. It allows you to secretly check all your Facebook friends that you'd be willing to have sex with, then if they do the same and there's a match, the two of you are alerted and the secret crush is revealed.
I predict this is going to lead to more breakups than holidays with the in-laws. I mean, let's say you're in a relationship that's just "OK"...nothing special. And there's this girl (or several) that you've always had the hot and bothers over. So you get this app, click the gals in question...and wait. Maybe they have the app, too...and maybe they clicked your name. Love connection!
But this falls into the "be careful what you wish for" department. Probably pretty harmless for the young and unattached. But for the older and in-a-relationship? That's another story. I don't know for a fact, but I'm guessing this was designed by divorce lawyers.