Life is a full time job, even for those of us without children. Honestly, when I consider how stressed out both my husband and I can be just trying to figure out how to keep the house clean and cooking a decent meal for the two of us to sit down to each night...and let's not forget about grocery shopping, laundry, oil changes...OH AND WORK, where is there time for us to get down to the dirty dirty? Don't you remember when you first met your love? You could hardly keep your hands off each other; you made stupid phone calls to each other with nothing to share other than "I was thinking about you" followed by awkward silence. I found that I loved shower time as we had some of our best conversations there with literally, NOTHING to hide. We found time for each other even though life was moving way too fast by incorporating the other into our routine, and by making room somehow love found its way in there as well and the desire to never let this person go...and then, we settled down.
Does settling down mean a committment to a life of boredom? No more bonfires with friends? No more live music? No more putting on make up and getting my hair did? It can't be all about the two of us all the time, but we have to be careful that in our quest to keep our identity, there is a path to 'home' which at its core consists of only 'us' and to deny becoming a unit for the sake of not losing oneself will keep you from feeling just how deep intimacy can go. Hold onto your hat here because what I'm about to say may shock you..."It's not all about sex." SURPRISE!!!
Prior to finding your life partner, you focus on chemistry. Can I stand this person's quirks and dining habits? Does he think my ass is too big? Am I enough to keep him interested for the rest of his life? Love can be a heavy burden when you look at the mountain you have yet to climb once finding the love of your life. Keeping things fresh seems to be the objective, but there is much solace to be found in the familiar and that which you know you can count on. I like to say that monogamy is the new kinky as when we look at people who have been faithful to each other for years and openly express their love for their significant other we find it to be amazing that anyone could put up with someone for that long; then you realize that you promised to do just that on your wedding day and if you meant it, and these people are doing it, how do you achieve the same happiness and contentment? By going through the rough patches while knowing bailing is not an option, 'content' will be an adjective further from your choice of words to describe your current state; and because of the those patches, you grow stronger. In turn your relationship, if given the opportunity, takes on a life of its own. Becoming a part of an 'us' has been the most rewarding part of living this life I've been granted to live.
We used to keep score as to how often we were getting it on. Now its more like...when was the last time we...? I've finally gotten to the point where I don't put pressure on us for that special something that we get to do as there comes a time in a woman's life when she has to take responsibility for her own orgasms; but that only helps the situation for so long. There's a need to feel as if you are 'home', that you are a couple, that there is a reason you chose to be right here, right now with this person. You have to ask why you chose this person, what attracted you, what made your toes tingle when they walked in the room...what made it impossible for you to sleep through the night until they got home?
Listen, everyone has a life outside of the home, and a truly committed relationship can be the most rewarding experience you can grant yourself if you're ready to put in the work. Being able to relax and know that when the time is right that person will be there to share 'special time' is a part of the benefits, but so is having someone walk you to the door and reminding you that they'll be there when you get home...to be careful...and the most necessary, 'I love you'. Remember to take care of each other, even if its only to rub their back when the alarm goes off. The slightest bit of care could lead to something more, but even if it doesn't the moment you share with your love, no matter how brief...when the time is taken to say "I know you're there and I love you for it" that simple gesture can sate the beast until you find the time to actually take your time.
Love to you...